Guest Blogger: Chris Crans on the Nature of Fear and the Fear of Nature

Initially, I didn’t care about Prop 8. Practical, real rights are more important than the dictionary entry for a silly word. Our language is too fluid to nail down with a constitutional amendment. But a Google search of Prop 8 brought up a host of pro-8 sites that troubled and surprised me. It IS about a word. And that word is “fear.”

Like Robert (who wrote a beautiful and heartbreaking post on this blog), I shared my adolescence with Mollie in yuppie, conservative, suburban Texas. We met at the Mormon Church. I served a Mormon mission in France and graduated from BYU.

20 years later, I finally made friends with the tidal wave of biological and/or societal forces that make up a large part of who I am—forces that terrified me because I could not control them and because they clashed violently with my religious paradigm and my world view. I had been taught to fear and distrust NATURE because it “is an enemy to God.”

There are battles we can win and needn’t fear fighting—for we must, to some degree, be the masters of our own destinies—but there are those other wars that merely drain our resources and have no end.

My recent departure from Mormonism leaves me with a clear memory of how I argued that side. I was an ambitious and zealous missionary, eager to convert thousands of French people to Mormonism. I stopped people in the streets every day for two years. I cornered people on busses. I stood on street corners and sang hymns and cried repentance. I made a complete fool of myself with total abandon. The more I did crazy stuff, the more I was convinced I was right. (There is a lesson in that somewhere.)

More recently, I argued against homosexuality with the same vigor. I remember secretly thinking I was an authority on the subject, because I struggled with it, but was obedient—an example of righteous celibacy. “If Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son’s life on the altar of obedience, then I should be prepared to sacrifice MY life on the altar of loneliness.” I believed we couldn’t, as a nation, allow gay marriage or ANY gay rights, because future generations would grow up with a normalized view of homosexuality, and be more likely to consider it a viable option.

This, of course, exposes the deeper, unspoken agenda, and the ESSENCE OF PROP 8: a wish for the institutionalized marginalization of homosexuality—a prayer that society send a warning, loud and clear: it is NOT ok to be gay; it is NOT a viable option; you WILL be ostracized; and your rights WILL be restricted. I do believe that many Christian religions harbor this rotten and vile wish while holding their noses—aware, on some level, of the un-Christlike and hypocritical nature—not to mention futility—of the wish.

If you take comfort, as Mormons do, in the notion that God put ALL of us here on Earth with the SAME eternal purpose, which is essentially to get married to the opposite sex and procreate as heterosexual gods throughout eternity, then you MUST view homosexuality as doing violence to God’s plan. It is a plague that potentially threatens every spirit God sends to Earth. I don’t envy the Mormon position. They want to love everyone—I know they do. But you cannot love someone while fearing they are the plague! It’s not possible. And in an increasingly chaotic world, one can’t risk embracing an idea that jeopardizes the whole plan—a plan that is so soothing and secure!

All this is to say that the heart of the conflict is fear—terror, even. These ARE scary times. After terrorists attacked MY city on 9/11, I woke up crying every morning for weeks. I was dependant on the morning news to be sure I was safe. I’m still like that. My “spiritual” response to this new insecurity was … informative. I made a little, portable, laminated “shrine,” with pictures of the WTC, firefighters (who became my heroes), and my newly composed, personal creed, wherein I pledged to pray ALWAYS and to keep God as my constant, best friend. My silly response to the crisis was a short-lived but very intense attempt to broker a deal with god. In exchange for his protection, I would vow to pray always and never ever, um ...defile myself--so to speak, for fear of losing favor with him at the moment of the next attack.

Studies have shown that people who fear they are losing control of their surroundings become more prone to superstition, conspiracy theories, and belief in the supernatural. They are also more prone to yield their civil liberties for a false feeling of safety. We MUST resist this. We must not write this fear into the constitution by passing Prop 8.

How does this play out in real life? If you're AFRAID they will teach gay marriage in schools, take it up with your school board. Pass a proposition THERE, that no kind of marriage be taught in classes—where they should be more focused on math and science anyway! Just add “marriage” to the long list of things (like creationism) that you’ll have to teach your children yourselves.

AFRAID your church will be forced to marry same-sex couples? That’s never going to happen because of protections under the 1st amendment. The CA supreme court ruling made it very clear that their ruling would not "diminish any other person's constitutional rights" or "impinge upon the religious freedom of any religious organization, official or any other person."

FEAR children will be adversely affected? Gays can already adopt. What about parents SHOULD be considered? Stability? Yes. Psychological health? Yes. Financial means to support a child? Yes. Two parents better than one? Yes. Legally recognized union? Yes. Married or baptized in a church? Not important.

AFRAID that the gay lifestyle is getting more and more mainstreamed, more and more accepted, and that this will seep into the consciousness of your children? It does seem likely. The thing is, when you give up hopeless battles (such as trying to ostracize gays out of existence) EVERYONE wins. Being gay will be less dramatic. We won’t have to wave flags and march in parades or kill ourselves out of guilt and hopelessness. People will either be gay, because they JUST ARE, or they won’t. If you’re worried about turning into a pillar of salt as God destroys YOUR Gomorrah, well… just have faith in a kind and just god, and know that you did your best. What are you afraid of?

Finally, your Prop 8 dream narrative is unfortunately flimsy shelter from your greatest fear. Ask my parents. I grew up in a very conservative, Christian community. I was a varsity athlete who dated the prom queen. My entire circle of friends used the word “gay” to mean “stupid.” To my knowledge, there was not ONE, single gay kid in my entire high school. No one EVER pushed a gay agenda on me. There was no Will and Grace or Brokeback Mountain. In fact, I never had a clue about “gay”—until the day I fell in love. I was 25. His name was Matt. What proposition would you pass to prevent THAT? Scary stuff!