Guest Blogger: Chris Bussard on Marriage and Why He "Wants In"

Note from Mollie: Chris is the boyfriend of my dear friend, Rob who was a guest blogger earlier in the week.

Dear friends, family, and colleagues:

I normally try not to share or subject anyone to my political views, especially when it comes to gay issues, but Prop 8 puts my rights and liberty in jeopardy like never before and I feel compelled to speak out.

As you know, in May of this year, the California Supreme Court ruled that individuals of the same sex have the right to marry under the California Constitution and marriage between individuals of the same sex is currently valid and recognized in the state. Prop. 8 seeks to eliminate this right by amending the California constitution to specify that only marriage between a man and woman is valid or recognized in California.

I have been gay all my life (I knew it since I was 7) and I never thought I would have the option to marry. It didn’t really bother be because that’s just the way that it was. But as I’ve gotten older, fallen in love, and moved in with a beautiful man, I realize that it’s not OK. I am willing, able and desire to commit to a stable, loving, supporting relationship with a person who lifts me up, makes me calm, and inspires me to be a better person every single day. My journey through life has become a shared journey, and I would like the protections that marriage affords—hospital visitation, decision making, and inheritance, to name just a few. My home is now Robert’s home, but if something happens to me, he can be kicked out with no rights whatsoever. Yes, I can pay an attorney thousands of dollars to establish legal contracts, but why should I have to? The sterility of legal contracts should be overshadowed by love and commitment, and that’s what marriage provides.

I recently read an article Los Angeles magazine where the author reflected on witnessing a lesbian wedding:

"Not until I was standing on that hillock of sand watching the two women marry did I get it in the gut what the whole thing was about. After all, California has had a law endorsing domestic partnerships with virtually all the attendant rights of marriage save one: the name.

Oh, marriage. What an entanglement of egos and ambitions and hopes and money, a voluntary legal contract to love someone forever and ever. That’s what they wanted, my two women friends, to be able to make that contract. They wanted the complicated, passionate, sometimes enraging engagement that is uniquely a marriage, and, standing there, I wanted it for them. Welcome. Hang on. Good luck.

I am reminded of a line from the poet W.H. Auden. “Any marriage,” he once said, “happy or unhappy, is more interesting than a love affair.” That is what my gay friends—not just these two but the others who are marrying—have intuitively understood in their anger and/or despair at being kept out of the wedded ranks. Marriage is the great emotional adventure story—there is nothing like it, nothing close—and they want in.”

It really reinforced that marriage is a journey of two people--two consenting adults--that love, laugh, cry, fall down, get up, support, protect, motivate, improve, and dedicate their lives to each other. And I want in.

But I need your help. I surround myself with like-minded or sympathetic individuals (I hope you’re like-minded—my apologies for sending this to you if you are not). But there may be people in your circle of friends and family or people you know in California that may be sitting on the fence or are planning on voting yes on Prop 8 without realizing the consequences. Will you advocate on my behalf? Perhaps you can just forward this email?

Please share with your friends and family the facts about Prop 8:

· It eliminates fundamental rights and treats people differently under the law.

· It would be the first time discriminatory language is added to the constitution.

· It’s not about children—If marriage was about having children, retirees and infertile couples should not have the right to marry.

· It does not jeopardize religious freedoms –Your church does not have to marry me. Even today, churches can marry or not marry whomever they want. Mormons won’t let non-Mormons get married in the temple and no one is suing over that. “The idea that we would be forced as clergy to perform a marriage that was against our conscience, or that a church would lose its tax-exempt status, is ridiculous,” said the Rev. Karen Sapio, the minister of Claremont Presbyterian Church in Southern California. “If you look dispassionately at the record, there are a lot of churches with policies that are at odds with civil law. I have not heard of a single Catholic church forced to marry someone who has been divorced, or a rabbi forced to perform an interfaith marriage or an evangelical church forced to marry a couple who has been living together.”

· If marriage is a religious institution, the state should not be issuing marriage licenses. By issuing marriage licenses, the state is offering a civil sanction and civil definition of marriage. It is this civil right that Prop 8 tries to deny from a minority group of Californians.

· Virtually every major paper in California is against Prop 8. The L.A. Times says it is "a drastic step to strip people of rights." La Opinión called Prop 8 "an unnecessary initiative". The San Diego Union Tribune wrote that Prop 8 "offends many Californians' sense of fairness."

· Not one word in Prop 8 mentions education. And no child can be forced, against the will of their parents, to be taught anything about health and family issues at school. California law prohibits it. California’s top educators including Superintendent of Schools Jack O’Connell and California Teachers all agree: Prop 8 has nothing to do with education.

· Marriage has been offered to same-sex couples for over three years in Massachusetts and no opposite-sex marriage has been damaged or diminished.

· Senator Feinstein says, “Proposition 8 would be a terrible mistake for California. Its not about schools or kids. It’s about discrimination and we must always say NO to that.”

· It’s about discrimination.

No matter how you feel about marriage, vote against discrimination and vote no on prop 8 and please encourage your friends and loved ones to do the same. Even if you have issues with gay marriage, please at least abstain. Please do not vote to take away my rights.

Thanks.
Chris

P.S. If you are inspired to make a donation to help defeat this ballot measure, I encourage you to do so. We need all the help we can get. You can donate at https://secure.ga4.org/01/equalityforall