Mollie and I met in a Mormon ward in Dallas when we were both 14 years old. She has seen more of my life over a greater span of time than any friend I have. When I came out to her eight years ago she was nothing but completely understanding and supportive. She has been there for me unfailingly for the past eight years and we are closer now than we have ever been.
I have tried not to be combative with those in my family who still are active Mormons and who see life differently than I do. I have tried to not make a big deal out of my homosexuality. It's nothing that I sit and obsess over, it just is. And so I have let it just be, let my life run its course, and I am now in a loving relationship of three years with an amazing guy, and I am happy.
There is a wedge though between me and my family. Things mostly have remained unspoken and we have had a fragile peace based on this silence. With the Mormon church's decision to involve itself in California's battle over Prop 8, however, my family has been forced to choose: ideology or family.
Sadly, ideology wins. When at last I decided to respond to some of their emails in support of Prop 8, I was told that who I am and the life I have chosen is immoral and invalid. One sibling said, "Go ahead and say I am small minded, uncaring, hypocritical, but I will not change my moral belief standards so you can have equal treatment that you do not qualify for". Another said that I had chosen darkness. Another said they could no more accept homosexuality than they could accept incest. Another said, "Your consequence for choosing to be gay, is that you are not entitled to all of the rights that the Constitution affords to all law obeying citizens. There is nothing natural that condone(s) the gay lifestyle...it is morally wrong. Just like there are consequences for stealing, adultery, murder, etc…there are also consequences of being gay, of which the least I would be concerned with right now is whether you can marry or not".
My argument to them, which was shot down in flames, is that there is a distiction between their religious beliefs about marriage, which they are entitled to uphold and protect, and the civil equality that our Constitution is olbigated to provide to all citizens. Two adults in a consenting relationship deserve the equal rights and protections afforded to any such relationship, gay or straight.
As my friend Becca said, there is a certain irony that a church, which once found itself on the outside of societal norms, now plays the moral enforcer crusading for traditional marriage. We should all be aware that the wheel of fortune turns...
Why not be brave and stand up for someone else's right to believe in something you disagree with? That is gutsy American plurality at its best. We will all survive, we can live and let live, and we could possibly even together pool our resources and attempt to solve some of the real evils of our day, too numerous and obvious to even list.
Robert Cope
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2 comments:
Hey Rob. Thanks for sharing this. As you know, it just leaves me heavy-hearted. I was thinking about it, and I wondered if the church leaders would support your family or tell them that accepting you as you are does not jeopardize their salvation or affect their standing in the church and enough already of the hate and vitriol! I think they would counsel acceptance and tolerance. I know that Christ would. Sadly, I think they are about to lose a brother and in reality, this doesn't have to be a choice. I hope they come to their senses. And again I'll say, how can they call themselves Christian when they are so not Christlike?
Rob, this breaks my heart; especially because I know those family members so well. They are the ones who inspired me to write on fear--because you can just feel it in their attitude. Otherwise they wouldn't be so past feeling.
Keep showing them the real example of how to live. Keep being the real you: generous, thoughtful, selfless in your love for them. They'll get it one of these days.
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